Anyone who has followed my blog (LOVE YOU!) knows that if there's one thing I love more than life, it's this baby:
For Though I have only been alive for 20 years, I have caressed MANY... MANY a Watermelon:
SUGAR PIE, HONEY BUNCH <3
Recently, however, I came across a new specimen. As the title says, "Once you go... You never go back!" Well, not quite...
No, it's not black... I've never seen a black watermelon before and to tell you the truth, I'm really not so sure that I'd want to. But I HAVE SEEN, SMELLED, AND CONSUMED THIS:
*** Insert suspenseful music here***
SCRUB-A-DUB-DUB! (ALWAYS before consumption!)
["But Julz," you cry, "that just looks like any old watermelon to me!"]
... Hint ... Hint
INSTANT FRIENDS! (I mean, how could we NOT be?)
CELEBRITY SIGHTING!!! OMFG!!!
CAUGHT IN THE ACT!
The Cradle <3 (Also referred to as the "Watermelon Wagon"... You and me, Mons, baby, you and me! BTW, I know you're just about sphitzing right now...)
BEAUTIFUL BUDDHA CAMERA CASE (I just had to show you!!)
YE [BEAST OF A] MELON KNIFE: MUST BE SERIOUS. (trying SO hard... haha, notice the squeezing of the cheeks)
Just kidding! It's still me guys, see!!??
*****CUTS OPEN WATERMELON*****
*****CUE: HALLELUJAH CHORUS*****
BUT WHAT DID I SEE??????????????
(THE KEYS TO THE PERFECT WATERMELON: (1) L.O.V.E. (OBVIOUSLY!!! If you don't love watermelon, how can you expect them to love YOU!) (2) Hollow sound when knocked on (Must pick up for proper knock-age) (3) Base, as seen in the photograph above, must have a flatter shape and oval -shaped white/off-white/yellowish color!)
REVIEW: (In the spirit of Miss Emma!) Umm, there are no words that exist in the English Language (pshh, yeah, big surprise there... ----- Sorry, I digress...) that could ever ATTEMPT to describe this. I'm serious guys. When I bit into my first piece, I starting laughing, that's how amazing it was. Actually it was more of a freakish dance (I refuse to put this on the internet) that I tend to do when consuming a piece of fruit that is SO MIRACULOUS, my body goes into HAPPY OVERDRIVE! Honestly, I screamed for my family to rush to the kitchen! (They all thought I sliced my arm off) And after tasting this baby, they too knew that this was a special moment. We were in the presence of the 8th Wonder of the World.
I will NEVER forget you YELLOW WATERMELON OF LOVE . You were sweeter than the sweetest of honeys, more refreshing than a tall glass of ice water, and more orgasmic than EVEN....
(no, sorry, def not)
BUT YOU WERE SUBLIME <333
THANK YOU TRADER JOES FOR CARRYING SUCH A STALLION OF A WATERMELON! TJ'S FOREVS!!!