Friday, July 11, 2008

ONCE YOU GO... YOU NEVER GO BACK!


Anyone who has followed my blog (LOVE YOU!) knows that if there's one thing I love more than life, it's this baby:




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For Though I have only been alive for 20 years, I have caressed MANY... MANY a Watermelon:




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SUGAR PIE, HONEY BUNCH <3
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Recently, however, I came across a new specimen. As the title says, "Once you go... You never go back!" Well, not quite...


No, it's not black... I've never seen a black watermelon before and to tell you the truth, I'm really not so sure that I'd want to. But I HAVE SEEN, SMELLED, AND CONSUMED THIS:


*** Insert suspenseful music here***





SCRUB-A-DUB-DUB! (ALWAYS before consumption!)






["But Julz," you cry, "that just looks like any old watermelon to me!"]
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... Hint ... Hint


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INSTANT FRIENDS! (I mean, how could we NOT be?)


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AGAIN!


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CELEBRITY SIGHTING!!! OMFG!!!


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CAUGHT IN THE ACT!


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The Cradle <3 (Also referred to as the "Watermelon Wagon"... You and me, Mons, baby, you and me! BTW, I know you're just about sphitzing right now...)


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BEAUTIFUL BUDDHA CAMERA CASE (I just had to show you!!)


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Close-Up


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YE [BEAST OF A] MELON KNIFE: MUST BE SERIOUS. (trying SO hard... haha, notice the squeezing of the cheeks)


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Just kidding! It's still me guys, see!!??


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*****CUTS OPEN WATERMELON*****


[GASP!]


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*****CUE: HALLELUJAH CHORUS*****


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BUT WHAT DID I SEE??????????????


.


..


...


....


........


.............


....................


...........


......


....


...


..


.


BAM!


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YELLOW WATERMELON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




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P7010336.JPGP7010338.JPG(THE KEYS TO THE PERFECT WATERMELON: (1) L.O.V.E. (OBVIOUSLY!!! If you don't love watermelon, how can you expect them to love YOU!) (2) Hollow sound when knocked on (Must pick up for proper knock-age) (3) Base, as seen in the photograph above, must have a flatter shape and oval -shaped white/off-white/yellowish color!)




REVIEW: (In the spirit of Miss Emma!) Umm, there are no words that exist in the English Language (pshh, yeah, big surprise there... ----- Sorry, I digress...) that could ever ATTEMPT to describe this. I'm serious guys. When I bit into my first piece, I starting laughing, that's how amazing it was. Actually it was more of a freakish dance (I refuse to put this on the internet) that I tend to do when consuming a piece of fruit that is SO MIRACULOUS, my body goes into HAPPY OVERDRIVE! Honestly, I screamed for my family to rush to the kitchen! (They all thought I sliced my arm off) And after tasting this baby, they too knew that this was a special moment. We were in the presence of the 8th Wonder of the World.


I will NEVER forget you YELLOW WATERMELON OF LOVE . You were sweeter than the sweetest of honeys, more refreshing than a tall glass of ice water, and more orgasmic than EVEN....


(no, sorry, def not)




BUT YOU WERE SUBLIME <333




THANK YOU TRADER JOES FOR CARRYING SUCH A STALLION OF A WATERMELON! TJ'S FOREVS!!!



31 comments:

Fitnessista said...

it's always such a joy to read your blog :) you are a hilarious girl, who definitely appreciates a good watermelon! i'll keep my fingers crossed for you on the job at whole foods.. that would be awesome :) have a great friday!

VeggieGirl said...

This post is too delightful for words - love it!! And you better get that job at WF!! They'd be crazy NOT to hire you :0)

Simple and Divine said...

Fitnessista: Haha, true that! I DO sincerely appreciate a good watermelon :) And thank you for the WF wishes! I'm right there with ya!

Liz: If it even comes close to being like one of yours, I'm quite flattered :) Especially coming from you, this is QUITE the complement :)

Allison said...

I LOVED this post from start to finish!! You AND that watermelon are beyond gorgeous, girl! Good luck with the Whole Foods job...I KNOW you'll get it!! :0)
PS...your puppy and cat are precious!!

Amanda said...

That's such a great post. Good luck with the job!

Do you have an email address that i could send you an email to? I have a question I would prefer not to ask online.

ChocolateCoveredVegan said...

I bought watermelon today! I wonder what color it'll be... perhaps a lovely purple or blue?

eatingbender said...

Honestly, this brightened my day by like 1,000 fold! You are such a delight, Miss Julz - and that watermelon just looks absolutely scrumptious!!

BEST OF LUCK with your Whole Foods job quest - how incredibly wonderful that would be!

lighterportions said...

Haha this is the cutest post ever!
I had no idea yellow watermelon existed. That is SO cool. I am now on a mission to find myself a yellow watermelon!

loveofoats said...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

this is the best post i've ever read in my entire life... the suspense was killing me ;)

kudos to you for bringing a giant smile & laugh to my face so early on a saturday morning!

Simple and Divine said...

Allison: Thanks for the sweet words! :) And aren't they?! I lub my pup and kitty so! They are the sunshine of my day :)

Amanda: Hey! New reader! Weeeeeeee :) And yes, I most certainly do! I wanted to post it on the blog, but I'm not sure where to do it, maybe I'll just make another sidebar attachment? My new blog address is simple.divine@yahoo.com. (I just made it) lol

Twin: Ohhh Purple! I'd be so freaking jealous! We should "google" watermelons and see all of the colors :)

Jenn: I'm so glad that this post brightened your day! You, too, are quite the "delight" and I adore reading all of your posts each and every day! (It's so hard to wait until late at night! I just look forward to them so much!)

Linds: That was the best comment I've ever read in my entire life: THE BEST POST?? Wooooooooowwww :) More importantly, I'm so glad that I was able to bring you joy on this b-e-a-uutiful saturday morning! TOMORROW = ACS! wooohoo!

vegannurse said...

Haha, your pics are so great, Julz! They made me smile.. hehe..

I share your same passion for watermelon... I seem to always have one every day during the summertime.

Aren't yellow watermelons so pretty to look at? And just as scrumptious as their pink ones, too!

Evey

blueberryhil said...

LOL! Thank you for just making my morning.

talieworld said...

Hey, I just found your blog, and I love it! This post is super entertaining! :)

Amanda said...

That's such a great post! Good luck with the job, I am sure you will get it!

I have a question I would feel more comfortable asking over email. Do you have an email address that I could send it to? Thanks!

Rose said...

This post just made my night - hysterical! I was almost on the edge of my seat thinking, whoa! What's going to happen!?! Hahah. Great post! I can't wait to read more!

CeciLiA said...

Hey hey hey just discovered your blog - and I'm already hooked on your UPBEAT and CHEERFUL personality :0)

Hehehe, LOVE the way you narrated the story on this post!! You are hilarious!! Oh, I <333333 watermelons!!! I tried yellow watermelons before, but I still <3 the red ones more :0) Btw, did you know I can 'sense' whether a watermelon is good/bad from 10 feet away?!!(okay, maybe I exaggerated quite a bit there!!):0) Tehee ...

Oh! I always give my watermelon a final "SCRUB-A-DUB-DUB" before 'slaughtering' them, hahaha!! And last but not least, you're SUCH A GORGEOUS girl :0)

.. and oh maybe (just maybe) you should check yourself into rehab coz your relationship with Mr. Watermelon is a bit ...... ;0) LOL

Hope you have a great day!!!!

carla said...

HOW CUTE ARE YOU!!

MizFit, first time visitor and officially hooked.

Sarah said...

haha julz you are crazy ; ) that post made me laugh out loud, which was much needed after a very long day yesterday and what is about to be another very. long. day.

i will definitely have to try to find myself a yellow watermelon, and soon!

ps. i ADORE your watch! SO cute!

pps. i switched over to wordpress so come read at:
http://ourkitchenadventures.wordpress.com

-sarah

Healthy eating blog said...

HAHA! you so funny, and GORGEUS!! i love you! and you ALSO gave me an idea....i think i might have to do this post with.........MANGOES!! :oD i lurve me a mango! hehe! have an awsome day!! you ROCK

glidingcalm said...

OOOO trader joe's carries these beauties?!

And girl, how freakin adorable are you?! Hilarious pictures and story. Probably the best story time I've had in a while. I mean it even came with music. HALLELUJAH!

Anyways, you are too cool for school, and I have got to get me a yello mello (yellow melon?) HAH!

Other notes I have on your posts:
-You kitty is so cute, and just like mine back home...ADORABLE! Similar coloring, and looks very sweet and well-behaved!

-Buddha camera case is too cool!

-You and your family are beautiful! And how cute of you to buy such pretty flowers for your mammy.

Awesome!

Well take care mama cita! Always a joy to read your blog!!

Oh yea, as for the Chobani's....I have found that sometimes if they are not well refridgerated, they lose their thickness and become watery. Maybe this was the case with yours? Because they are pretty close to Fage thickness!! Humph, I dano?!

ChocolateCoveredVegan said...

Ok, you're going to think I'm nuts, but I realy DID go and google "watermelon colors" after you suggested it. I didn't find anything too interesting (no purple-- boo), but I did see a square one!

On a different topic: I get the colored fondant at Michael's craft store (and there's always a coupon in the Sunday newspaper for 50% one item, so I use that!), and the glitter is Wilton brand. It comes in all different colors too! Yikes, I am a huge cupcake-decorating nerd (hides in shame).

Simple and Divine said...

Evey:I'm so glad you loved my post! I always love yours too :) SO HERE'S THE SCOOPER-POOPER: I did find a yellow watermelon at WF in the city last summer. I didn't want to spend $$$ on a whole one (I don't typically purchase WF watermelons (only at the very beginning of spring bc they always have them first :) ), so I bought a quarter of one. The verdict: Ewww. It had no flavor what-so-ever and I was so upset! I had wanted to ADORE it, in all of its entirety. So this summer, when I found them at TJs, I thought to myself: WAIT! You never "chose" the yellow H2Melon (yes, I know its H-2-O) before! So maybe you're missing out! I WAS! I wish I could have saved some for all of you! But, well, it was gone too fast. :) :) :)

Blueberryhil: You are so very welcome budster! ***Handing you the award for the sweetest sister on the planet! Blueberry Sis = super lucky to have you!***

Talieworld: Thank you :) I just checked out yours and I love it, as well!

Amanda:I responded to you already, but am assuming you didn't see it... My new blog email = simple.divine@yahoo.com ! I would love for you to email me :) Feel free to ask me anything, too, no judgments here, girl!

Rose: Awesome! I adore reading new comments from new readers! Or at least readers I never knew I had! It's so wonderful :) And thank you for the encouraging words, they mean so much to me.

Cecilia: Watermelon <3'ers UNITE! I am totally in agreement with you--- But I refuse to consider it a "problem" (though I am most likely in DENIAL), and prefer to call it a "passion" ;) So glad you like the blog! Please let me know if there's anything you'd like to read more of/less of, see more of/less of, etc!

...............................................................................
***** AFTER PASSING OUT ON FLOOR *****

CARLA: OH. MY. GOSH. MIZFIT!!! This is an HONOR!!! I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU! No really, you = my savior. This is SO cool! I'm completely star struck right now and my face is starting to hurt from my smile taking over half of it!!!! SO COOL!

Sarah: I know you switched over (I saw it on another blog and saved it immediately!) :) . I'm so glad my post was able to help lighten and brighten up your day :) Always glad to be of service. And thanks for the watch compliments :)

Lex: THAT'D BE AWESOME! I love Mangoes, too! So much, though, that even after having mango trees while living in Hawaii (last year), I am SO NOT snooty-mc-snooterpants about them! I love the sweet ones, ripe ones, more chewy ones, crisp ones, etc. (Just not rotten). I've developed an appreciation for all varieties!

Ems: TJ's is the best. I always find the GEMS at TJ's. Don't get me wrong, WF has everything I could ever need and more, but TJ's is where I find the special treasures :) I always get flowers for my mom! She's ma girl ;) I noticed that our kitties look alike! Love it <3

Twin: Of course I knew you were nuts!! (I am... Need I say more?) And I think we should figure out how to create a watermelon, blackberry hybrid ;) Maybe we'd get a purple one then! (That sounded really intelligent) MICHAEL'S CRAFTS = theee craft store and where I bought my fondant too! Good to know about the glitter too! Thanks! :)

Irbas said...

wow! what a post!!!! yellow watermelon!!!!!! i bet it WAS delicious!! weird though, i don't see any seeds?!?! also, LOVE your watch + your camera case. so gorgeous! (as are you)

arielle said...

You are the cutest. And why doesn't my TJ's have those? Why???

chandra said...

O.M.G. JULZ!! You just made the last half hour of my work day the most enjoyable one!! :) I LOVE this post - totally something I would do ;)

linds said...

You. Are. Adorable. Hahaha I laughed my way through this post and seriously got excited about the yellow-ness of the watermelon. Not as excited as you, because your energy is just off the charts :) haha but definitely still excited. I am going to hunt down a yellow watermelon of my own!!!

Simple and Divine said...

irbas: That watermelon was SO sweet it was insane. HOWEVER, I will say that, unfortunately, I have eaten some yellow watermelon that was not so amazing. The color? Still off the freaking charts! Did I still consume them? Umm, yes. Two in two days :)

arielle: Shoot, girl, you know I love you! I was SHOCKED to see my TJ's carrying these babies, but honestly, TJ's catches me by surprise, always! I just recently purchased 5 of the most INCREDIBLE orchids EVER there! They were $14.99 each and... when you see them you will know why I purchased all five! Robertson's Florists sell them for a freaking fortune (!!!) --- ~$50-70.00 EACH, and theirs aren't ever exotic like these babies :)

ChawnJawn: You totally would :) We're so easily amused, like that, the two of us! That's why I'm saying, TAKE ME TO VEGAS WITH YOU!!!! I can be one HELL of a good time! :)

Linds: Aww thank you :) I can't say enough about your blog. I am SO glad that you decided to do a meal-blog, because you are amazing and so inspiring! I adore your healthy relationship with both your food and your self. Listening to your body, being able to really appreciate the delicate complexities of the food you consume and seeing the joy in eating! Being in France, I can't imagine the inspiration you are consumed with each and every day! I would be BROKE... I know I would go CRAZY with the plethora of fine ingredients and all of the incredible flowers! To die for :)

Nikki Douglas said...

OMG - too funny. Your photo essay with the watermelon just made my day. What a hoot!

V said...

A of all, this was hilarious. B of all, your love for watermelon = my love for PB... and C of all! You have super toned arms and shoulders and I'm jealous!

lengslog said...

This is hilarious!! I can't get over the choir music singing in the back ground. I CAN ACTUALLY HEAR PEOPLE SINGLING! Too too too funny.

Jordan said...

You can have all the watermelons I ever come across in my entire lifetime. Watermelon is the only food in the entire world that makes me gag. I know, I know.


And you're adorable, btw =]