Monday, October 19, 2009

A moment.

Hi guys-


I hope you can understand that I'm taking a bit of a break. Emotionally, things have been brutally cruel and right now the mere act of breathing seems so daunting. As some of you know, this past year was a hell hole for me and my family, and this past summer was a close call. Right now, I need to take some time to sit and listen to my innerchild that so deeply needs comfort and compassion. So that is what I'm doing. I will be back, of course, but right now I just really want to hide. Thanks,
Love and Light to all of you,

Julz


{ps} PLEASE hold our precious Leng in the light. Please hold her high and keep her in your prayers.

Friday, October 16, 2009

TOMORROW...

Get ready BBs! I'm gonna start doin a series of Halloween tutorials for all of y'all! halloween is my favorite time of year for makeup! Oh the possibilities! Tomorrow's look...


Well, here's a preview!
Get excited :D

Sweet dreams ;)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

For ErinBooBoo <3

Quick and Simple Tutorial Time!


Erin asked me (this morning in a preshpresh texticle [change the "x" to an "s" and that would NOT a sentence make, yo.]) if I would show how I do my liquid/gel eyeliner. So I did this video. But you can't really see it! Fab.

So I will do another one tomorrow, but if it helps at all to entertain you, here it is.

[Plz forgive my less-than-sweet 'tude in this one. I am totes sick :( ]

Carry on, YoungBulls. Peace.


video

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Good Day, Madame! How may I assist you? Oh, waste 22 more minutes of your time? It would be an honor :D

GLAM SHOT:


I'm so obnox.


Hey Peeps! Got another video here!

In this one you shall find:

Answers to some questions from my last post!
A lot of dirty verbiage.
Some classic Julz Tongue (aka SPEECH. GROW UP Y'ALL!)
Quite a bit of eff's, sh!t's, and anything else that could offend someone. :D
A lot of organized chaos
22:36 minutes
Awkward.


Anyways, I hope you likey! Tell me what you want MORE of, LESS of, etc. For my next video I WILL BE GETTING THE TIME DOWN, by at LEAST 12 minutes. Don't worry. Ask me questions, and let me hear it all.

I hope you all enjoy this beautiful Autumn day! Love love!

video

Thursday, October 1, 2009

"Yay!"

Hey Pookies!


I realize that all my videos are makeup stuff, thus far. How vain! But here me out: I figure I have like no one reading my blog anymore (compared to before), but have THE IMPORTANT PPL WHO I LOVE reading! It also makes me happy. Yes, Makeup makes me happy. It does. Superficial shit like that is a great way for me to remove myself from my own crazymaking bullsh, and enjoy being a lady! So let's hear it for helping out the Economy!

video


Anyway! Today's vidster is quite the trip. I got the time down by about half (still working on this, mayj.), so that's good progress, right? The Dirty Little Gliding Calmster (meooowww) requested that I post pictures of the products I am using and if possible, where to buy them! Well OBVI, everything is possible when it is for her preshpresh lil ass!

So Let's Break. It. Down.

I used (Not including my foundation routine... GC, did you want this too?):

Brushes:
Eyeshadow Brush (3/8ths of an inch)

Blending Shadow Brush

Contour Shadow Brush

MAKEUP:

NYX Eyeshadow Trio (Right now at ULTA, buy one get one free. $8.00... Each shadow (there are three is the same quality and size as one mac shadow (at $14.50 each) - Fabulous Deal kittens!)

(TS23; From Right to Left; Sweet Lagoon, Aqua, Ocean)


Pigment Quality:

NYX Highlight:


Loreal Paris's Lineur Intense Liquid Eyeliner in Carbon Black:


Maybelline's Pulse Perfection Mascara in Blackest Black:

White Eye Liner:

Aquaphor Ointment:

Revlon Super Lustrous Pearl Lipstick in Silver City Pink:


So there you go!

Love y'all and I hope you have a fabbbulous evening! Tomorrow is Friday! Oh Yay Yay Yay! :D

QUESTION:

What are your MUST-HAVES for this fall's fashion/accessories/makeup survival? Lemme hear it!

LOVER Y'ALL!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Vloggy # Dos

Y'all this is so effing long, like 33 minutes plus, so break up the time . Or just skip through it all. I was seeing how and what it would be like to do a makeup tutorial of my everyday shiz, but clearly I need to work on my skillz. Wowee. [It would help, too, to not chase the dog for 15 minutes...)


In this video you will find:
ME WITHOUT MAKEUP (look. out.)
Buddha
My outfit (comfy)
My low-key everyday makeup
Quite a bit of Random Verbiage :D

Oy. It is so ridiculously long. Will be cutting it down in the future (the videos, that is.)

Lover Y'all! Happy Monday and i hope all the jewbies are enjoying their holiday!

Meowz!
video

The lookski:



FOR ERIN:

SEXUAL.

BYEZ!

Shut your front door.

Seriously! It is kind of nice to come back and see that I still have ppl who didn't delete me from their google readers! Yay! Haha, I think I got a lil cocky thinking that I would get some hater comments. You gotta be a BIG. HUGE. [GIRTH.] of a deal to get those types of comments. Phew! That was a close one y'all. ;)


Anyways! You guys were such cuteness in your responses. I literally melted with each and every one and was laughing so hard. We are all SUCH craycray, right? Luhuuvvv it.

I was glad you liked the makeup and the shirt! As prev. stated, I cannot hold a candle to Erin and Amez , but I have fun with it, you know? I just figure, what the H-E-double.hockey.sticks! Why am I not allowed to feel good? WHO AM I to deny myself the privilege of feeling cute and sassy?! I think it is so important that each of us remember that we must set limits on our self-reflective judgments. Example: Driving to class the other day, I was feeling SO FABULOUS. It was divine and the sun was peaking in, the morning had the precious dew of rain and the breeze of baby autumn leaves and I really felt amaze. Suddenly I was filled with anxiety and self-doubt. And the judgments started to flow. *You met your calorie count yesterday, plz. you have no right to feel so good about yourself --- With all you ate yesterday? You are not focusing. You are being sloppy and messy and you have no point of concentration and you blah-blah-blah-blah-fuck-ing-blah.* And then I realized something: I SPEND SO MUCH TIME WORRYING ABOUT NOT DOING SOMETHING--- Worrying about how best to avoid something. I put so much Energy into avoidance and perfection, that all I do, in reality, is make my focus so small that my entire life comes down to just that- a small, miniscule key-hole world, where I am not living. In situations such as the one mentioned above, we have to be advocates for ourselves. We have to realize that if we do not change how we view our own strengths and our possibilities for achievements, we will NEVER see that those possibilities are even there. This is something I have to coach myself through every. single. day. I am sorry to put this in here, but this is what I am going through right now, and as QUEEN OF FUCKING EVERYTHING told me yesterday, "BE YOU" and "Don't hide who you are." I have spent a long time hiding, both from others and from myself and if I am not honest, I am doing myself a disservice and that shit ain't gonna fly like it used to. So here we are :) *Voilin Concerto over. CUE APPLAUSE!*

[I'm annoying.]

SO, I will TOTES do clothing stuff, makeup stuff, and other fun sheeit. I am kinda irked that I said "fashion" in my video, because I just don't think I am a fashion type person. I have a very clear sense of style that is all my own and I always have. I. LOVE. MY. CLOTHES. THERE! I SAID IT! Like, omg. Love them all and would love to show y'all some of my faves/essentials. Some are hand-me-downs (think Vintage Ralph Lauren Daddy Flannelry) and some are vintage (80's Coach shoulder/saddle), and some are just plain amaze.

What do you want to know about makeup stuff? Would you want me to do tutorials? Show you my favezy products? Tell you what I used for my makeup? TELL ME! TELL ME! I really want you guys to guide me here because it is most fun to do things that others want me to do for them, and plz. Y'all are so important to me I would just love to do anything for you. Mwahz!

Yesterdays EOTD:
WOH. Girlfriend needs to do something with those EYEBROWS! ERIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!

Underneath:
Concealer (Underneath eyes and on lid up to brow bone): Cinema Secrets in PS601S-18 (fave.)
Lid to Brow and Lower Lash Line (bc we did put shadow there with a liner pencil brush) Urban Decay's Primer Potion (great for dry, uber sensitive skin; VERY hydrating
Eyes: Used BOTH Infatuating Rose 6 Shadow Palette (Mac), Vellum (Mac; a reflective white/pearl), and two NYX trio palettes, TEAM SPIRIT and ULTRA CHIC.
-First applied concealer to top and bottom of eye.
-Apply one coat of primer to each eye (gently dab with finger and add to lower lash line)y
-Using an eyeshadow brush (I use Loew Cornell Maxine's Mop in 3/8 of an inch, but any eye shadow brush (in 3/8ths of an inch will work great; this is actually a painting brush. I LOVE IT.), apply shimmery white to lid.
- Take a light/shimmery pink and apply to inner third of eye (close to tear-duct). (Keeping the white clean above ball of eye).
-Blend.
- Take purpley-blue (I used NYX "s spirit": color on far left of trio) and place it in crease (I use a blending brush for this, starting with small circles and then gently working in towards tear duct.).
- Take Deep purple and using a shadowing-contour brush, place in outer "V," by going to the outer corner of eye working shadow down to lash line at 45 degrees and back to corner and work 1/3 of the way in along your crease drawing shadow up (following curve of brow bone but keeping brush along the crease.)
-BLEND blend blend!
- Take a clean shadow brush and use a highlight (I use NYX 02 "White), and apply to brow bone and underneath outer corner as well as inner corner).
-Take shadow lining pencil and take same deep purple we used in outer "V" and line the top 1/3 (upper) lash line and connect it to outer corner/quarter of lower lash line.
-Take a light shimmery purple and line inner lash line of top and bottom.
-Take sparkly silver shadow and place in tear duct and inner crease line (2/3rds way in).
- Take liquid liner (I use NYX "Jet Black" Felt Tip Liner) and place upper lash line (from outside corner of eyeball to outer wing).
- Take boom-boom mascara (I use Lancome Fatale for drama-mama!) and apply to TOP only going thicker on outer lashes.
-I use a light pink Creme Sheen glass from Mac for my lips (not to overpower eyes) in "Fashion Scoop".

WOW. That was so confusing, I'm sure. And it is really easy! I will do a tutorial to make it clearer if y'all want!

Love you!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Vloggy #1

video


OkaaAAAAAaaaaAAaaaayyyy :D

Hi! Meowz.

I have [too] LEGIT [to quit] missed y'all so! I decided to do a video, because, well, I really enjoy embarrassing the living shiza out of myself, and figured there was no better way to do this than through a vid! So I did one yesterday morning after texting my Lil Poopoo! Yay!

DISCLAIMER:
After watching this I died. Not because I think I am funny- I actually think I am an asshole and come off really obnoxious. Ewwww. I so hope y'all aren't put off by me- I was truly SO SHOCKED at how I sound, how I come off (QUITE THE LIL 'TUDE! ) and I ain't gonna lie- I look like ass. My face looks like I am going to sneeze, which is a HUGH-JASS pet-peeve of mine.

***Okay, Julia, get over yourself.***

So WORD! As stated in this vid, I want to do fun stuff on this blog! This past year was SO Craycray and I really want to just have fun this year, embracing the things I LOVE and that means all of y'all :D

So tell me what you think in the comments... I am nervous that my first BITCH-ASS-MOTHER-F***ER-HATER comments are going to arise out of this, but whatever. I kill you.

BYEZ!

[ps] Though it most certainly seems to happen, I actually did NOT forget Erin and Amy's names. PLZ. I was just thinking to myself, "I cannot believe I am doing this shit."

K! Purrrrrrrrrrrrr

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Someone's gotta be up there...

Sunday, ten.thirty in the morning.


Everything about the world right now frightens me. Everything threatens me and I don't know how to get away. Where do I go? What do I do? Standing in the middle of my room, feeling as if I am being held under water, unable to breathe, my throat in a choke-hold and no where to go. Two roles: The slave driver and the slave.


"Julzy, Jen's home." My mom mentions through my bedroom door.


"Uh huh," I manage to spew out something other than a cry. My chest so tight, my hands, shaking. My legs weak. I. am. afraid. to. move.


"Any reason you haven't seen her? All of your friends are home."


Any reason?


"No," and that's it. There's nothing else to say, no one understand me, I have nothing, no one, but me and my sea of hatred that keeps me from reblooming after losing her three months ago. Dried up, dying of thirst, the sun runs away from me. How cold the world feels without it.


_______


"You were trapped." Jamie. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. Her Majesty, Jamie. The Divine.


"That was it. I was buried in my own fleshy tomb, suffocating. Totally and utterly trapped." I whisper.


I feel Amy's eyes on me, her comfort calming my heart, as it always does.   


______


"Do you want to come with me to get my nails done, Booboo?" Mom wants to help me. I know she wants to more than anything. But everyone knows I'm stuck inside the world of unforgiving failures, and still no one will say anything. Why is everyone so afraid of me... I'm sorry, Please Forgive Me.


"No," I act like I don't care. But I do. More than anything and I can't go with you, Mom. "No." As if she is surprised. I love her more than anything, and wish I could spend my every second with her, but she is above me. Mom, I love you, but you are above me. I feel undeserving of time spent with you. Do you know this?


***Vibration***


AMY PEARL STONE: "Don't worry. We will take you away from here."


I tell her I trust her, I trust Jamie. I do. With my entire life. I put myself in their hands and feel safe. Safer in theirs than in my own. He can't touch us when we're together. TIme stands still and in an instant I stop shivering.


Driving on the highway, I see a sign for my exit. Finally. 2.5 MILES. And then I think of Jilli. In a battlefield of angst and chaos I reach for my phone and text Jill. I text her all the time. "I MISS YOU. EVERY DAY." And I am discouraged. Everyday I miss her more than the last. "When will it get easier?" Now I'm crying and my chest is drowning again. FUCK I missed my exit. I gather my composure, 'suck it up, don't embarrass me,' my thoughts are cruel and I'm tired after too many sleepless nights.


"I missed my Exit, Ames," I called her immediately. I had to get away from myself.


"Okay, where are you Julz?"


"I don't know... I missed my Exit for 95N." I don't know where I am, but amazingly I'm no longer lost. I'm found and need not utter a worry. 25 minutes away from the Stones, now, but Amy knows. She senses and she knows. "I'm going to stay on until you get to my house. I'm not going anywhere," she tells me. And she does. And I'm totally and completely safe, and for the first time in a long time, I feel loved and cradled with a shelter to protect me, and no one can touch me. I'm home.


Sitting in a coffee shop, on South Street, my worries are nonexistent, out of mind, and I feel the floor underneath my feet and IT. FEELS. AMAZING. Sitting, taking each other in, I look at Amy and Jamie: Queens. I get chills thinking of the two before me. And I laugh at how lame I am, in this very moment. I. Have. Found. Them.


Finally.


The hours spent walking the streets of Philadelphia. PEACE. It's suddenly springtime and the flowers are blooming and the sun, yes the sun, is FINALLY shining. As we leave the city streets, the three of us, in Brooke's Audi, completely united in thought, though silent in sound. There. Is. So. Much. Love.


"I was thinking about something..." Breaking the silence, my words spilling out of me, as I smile, for the first time in a LONG time. "I have been doubting the existence of a higher power, for so long now... But after today, I just know. Someone's gotta be up there..."


I slept really well last night.



Sunday, March 22, 2009

Cuddle Fest 09

Be jeal. it's 6:21am amy and i are chatting our little hearts out STILL. That is all. <333 And we're sobes. Duh.



Thursday, February 19, 2009

My First Product Review And Product Reveal...

Thirsty Thursday is here! (J/K, I don't really drink, but BRING 0N THE VAMPIRE BLOOD! (Who watches True Blood ? Anyone? That show is scary as $%*#.) And while I'm on the subject of amazing shows, IS ANYONE ELSE OBSESSED WITH THE BRILLIANCE THAT IS SUMMER HEIGHTS HIGH ? OH MY GAWD. I DIE, Y'ALL!)


*** And if you don't watch it, GO TO THAT LINK RIGHT AFTER YOU READ THIS POST (ha) AND WATCH THE CLIP AND READ ABOUT THE CAST. You will be blown away.***


"Public School is so Random." - Ja'mie


"Welcome to Mr. G's room, G's room, G's room, Welcome to Mr. G's room, Come Inside." - Mr. G


(That's all I'm gonna say... And I may be randomly inserting lines on my posts... Just to entertain myself brighten you're day, of course.)


OKAY, now onto my product reveal. The FIRST is one that I use ALL THE TIME. It is a so-called "Weight Management" Vitamin, but I have never used it for that purpose, and I guarantee you, it won't do shit to your weight. PLZ. That's such Bullsh. Anyways, I use it as a Thickening Agent, be it for Oatbran, Cheesecake like Greek Yo (yes it can be SO much thicker!!!), Sauces, thickening up plain yogurt, smoothies, etc... The possibilities are endless. (But I'm SO sorry Veg*ns, this product does contain Gelatin... Sorry!!!)


And... ***DRUMROLL PLIZZLE***




vs-2363.gif


Glucomannan Powder




They come in little capsules, which you empty into whatever you are using it with.






















































































Supplement Facts



Serving Size  3



Servings Per Container  33



Amount Per Serving



% Daily Value



  Calories



10



N/A*



  Total Carbohydrate



2 Gm



1%



  Dietary Fiber



1.5 Gm



6%



  Glucomannan (AMORPHOPHALLUS KONJAC)(TUBER)



1.99 Gm



N/A*




Directions:   


As a dietary supplement, take three (3) capsules before meals with a full glass of water.






Other Ingredients:   


Gelatin, rice flour.










Now, I have NEVER taken them with water (umm ew, thick water, wtf?), so I suppose I can't really give a correct product review, but, to shoutout to MA PEEPS WITH THE BILLS,


I AIN'T NO PUNK.






I will be featuring more recipes with Glucomannan in upcoming posts, so stay tuned and get excited, kiddies! But for now, I bring you one of my FAAAAVES: Greek Yogurt Cheesecake! (Individual servings and no mess, ow Oww!)






Julz's Greek-Yo Chizzlecake






1 indiv. ~ 6oz container of Greek Yogurt (Be it Fage, Oikos, Chobani, Voskos, TJ's 3/4 cup, TJ's indiv. flavored Greeks, whatevskii.)


Cinnamon (I use Organic Saigon... SO INCREDIBLE!)... As much as you likery


About 1/2-3/4 cap full Pure Vanilla Extract (Or you can use a cap full of Vanilla Coffee Syrup)


A pinch of Stevia (-PS- Trader Joe's Stevia is the best tasting eva. Whoops! Another reveal!)


Mix that all together and taste it to see if it fits for you. You can also add in some Maple, SF Maple, or ANY other syrups you so desire!! Have fun with it y'all!


And lastly, take two capsules of your Glucomannan powder (It's tasteless, Yeah!).






*** Be Careful when mixing in the powder that it doesn't come out... Be gentle at first, when incorporating, and then whip it quickly to get air into it. Give it a minute to sit and VOILA! You can also store it in the Fridge for lata***






And Enjoy! And if you hate it, you didn't get it from me! Yeah!






(PS) I know I do this on like every post now, but I have to thank you all again for your support. It's so RANDOM (SummerHeightsReppin.) when the grief hits me. Like last night, I was getting into bed and literally, I just LOST IT. I didn't even make it to the bed. I umm, woke up on the floor. And my heart hurt this morning. *Sigh. Your help has been SO AMAZING for me, AND my family. They have read your comments and were all brought to tears by how much y'all have been here for me, especially during this time. ***ONE DAY AT A TIME, RIGHT? Riiiighhtt??? This WILL get easier? YES, IT WILL. TIME TO GET MYSELF GOIN. ***






Until We Meet Again,


P1170111.JPG










Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavanthu, "May All Beings, Everywhere, Be Blessed with Happiness."






Namaste,






Julzie




Wednesday, February 18, 2009

How did I EVER stay away so long?

Y'all... Your comments from my last post were EFFING UNREAL. There is no other way to put it. They were so PERFECT, each and every one, and I feel so honored that anyone reads my blog, let alone THE SWEETEST LIL LOVERBUNNIES, EVER! I have felt every single prayer, thought, wish, *hug,* and blessing. I don't know what the hell I was thinking staying away from this community. But I feel so blessed to be a part of it again, and I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for welcoming me back with such warmth and such grace.


I am taking each and every day, one at a time, to keep my face in the direction of the horizon. Yes, that IS a choice. Yes, that IS a choice. Yes, that IS a choice. And one that I have decided to take on FULL-SPEED. Even if I have to take it hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, in the words of the BLOGGAH,


WHATEVA, I DO WHAT I WANT.




Now... Here's what I want from y'all. And get ready for some OVERKILL ON THE WORD FRONT: I want to know what you want from yo homegirl, S+D (not to be confused with the so ovah sugar-sub S+L). What do you want to see on my blizzlegizz (ew.)? Recipes? Grocery Pics? Animal Pics? Hawaii stories/pics? Product Reviews (I have so many secret faves, y'all... Well, not anymore I guess...)? Yoga talk? Buddha talk? Booty talk? Let me hear it! I want my blog to satisfy ALL Y'ALL PIMPS N HOES!




***Please note: I really have no interest and am not comfortable with making this a FOOD-DIARY-BLOG, though let's be REAL, it's SO MUCH FUN to read them!!! Come on... Who popped their cherry with Eat Like Me ??? ANYWAYS, I'm sorry if you want that. But I'm just not at that level yet. Who knows, perhaps someday I will be, but for now... That'll be a negative. Thanks ferplayin.***




I'm off to hit up some SUPER GIANT for some SUPER GROCERIES! I hear y'all on the Whole Foods front, but I must admit: Any type of drug emporium Food store is cool with me! I love them all and have found the BEST products at every one. I love the diversity of each of the chains, and seriously, little health food stores? I LURRRVE. {purrrr.}




So until we meet again, my pearls, here are some pictures of my PARADISE... The Magical Island of Kona (The Big Island) of Hawaii:




n1465350033_30051878_9435.jpg232323232fp65=ot>233-=828=;-7=XROQDF>2323936988-46ot1lsi.jpegn1465350033_30051863_2484.jpg   232323232fp66=ot>233-=828=;-7=XROQDF>232393698;888ot1lsi.jpeg232323232fp64=ot>233-=828=;-7=XROQDF>2323936999265ot1lsi.jpeg232323232fp6-=ot>233-=828=;-7=XROQDF>2323936998;62ot1lsi.jpeg232323232fp68=ot>233-=828=;-7=XROQDF>2323936995-<;ot1lsi.jpeg   232323232fp6<=ot>233-=828=;-7=XROQDF>232393699886;ot1lsi.jpeg 232323232fp64=ot>233-=828=;-7=XROQDF>2323936996;-5ot1lsi.jpeg 232323232fp68=ot>233-=828=;-7=XROQDF>2323936987686ot1lsi.jpeg 232323232fp6<=ot>233-=828=;-7=XROQDF>2323936986537ot1lsi.jpeg n1465350033_30051866_5347.jpg





Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavanthu, "May All Beings, Everywhere, Be Blessed with Happiness."









Namaste,









Julzie



Sunday, February 15, 2009

A very special tagging...

Today was okay... I felt itchy all day, a lil anxious, but nothing a powerful flow and brisk walk outside with the Momma (and the babies) didn't ease. I apologize if I have been so negative, recently. I am sorry if this past week was annoying for my readers-- Actually, I'm not. It's somewhat surprising how much one's "audience" depletes, when the mood is down. I guess at the time, I didn't think about it, and I'm sorry IF it turned you off; however, I am not sorry for posting about it. It was a tribute that I definitely needed to put it into words, and for those who lent me their hearts and prayers, I thank you so. It meant the W0RLD to me, and was so therapeutic. I love you girls, so.



Anyways, someone who has been A.MAZING this past week (among so many others, <3 ) is the effervescent Synthia . I was tagged and given an Award, and a very dear one at that



.award_kreativ_blogger.jpg



This was such an honor. I feel like I've been such a bad blogger, such an UNRELIABLE blogger, and it really makes me feel bad to receive such an award. There are S0 many incredible bloggers out there, I feel like I'm so inadequate and undeserving. But regardless, it feels so comforting to know that there is someone out there that finds my blog worthwhile. THank you so much Synth... It means so much.



In honor of this award, I am to list Seven Things that I Love:



(1) My Parents



I don't even know where to begin. My Dad has always been my protector and my shield, and he is the type of Dad that ALWAYS thinks he can save me. Suffering through Ed was extremely hard on my Father. He shut down and became so concerned and so sad, that he completely lost touch with himself and his pleasures in life. I will always be my Daddy's Girl and I adore him so.n1465350033_30051876_5362.jpgn1465350033_30050723_5118.jpg



My Momma. What is there N0T to say about her? She is my redeemer, my guardian, my everything. My Mom makes me feel like EVERYTHING will be okay, no matter what it be that frightens my heart. She is the most Beautiful, most Perfect being, in my eyes, and has the most incredible heart of anyone I have ever known. I am so honored to have her as my Mommy and my Best Friend. My mom stuck by my side during Ed, and never ever judged me by my illness. She is my Angel. n1465350033_30051884_5693.jpgn1465350033_30051800_195.jpg



I believe, without a doubt in my mind or heart, that I was meant to be My Parent's Child. I am so connected to them, so hopelessly adoring of them both. Ed almost broke my family apart, and my parent's struggled so much within their marriage, because of Ed. I am so thankful for their strength, their love, and their unending support. n1465350033_30065341_9950.jpgn1465350033_30065511_7521.jpg n1465350033_30065508_6239.jpg



(2) My Brother, James



Something else that really suffered with Ed was my relationship with my brother. It was horrible. Before Ed, my relationship with Jimmy was Beautiful. His way of coping was to ostracize and humiliate me. To reject me, in front of others, to make me feel ashamed. I couldn't be around him without being brought to hysterics and it was so hard. Jimmy cried in front of me, telling me he was so scared to lose me. I had never seen him cry before, and it was a wake up call for me. It made me realize that Ed brings out the absolute Worst in EVERY0NE, not just it's active sufferers. We are working towards rebuilding this relationship, and I pray that it will be like it was, before Ed. That someday we can have that Beautiful Bond, once again. All with time...







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(3) My Beautiful Grandmother, Grammy



My Maternal Grandmother is someone who has been through S0 much grief, so much heartache, and so much emotional burden that it AMAZES me how positive, hopeful, and loving she still is. She lost my Grandfather to Liver Cancer when he was 60. My Grandfather, Poppy, was an absolute Angel, one whom I have never met in person, but still feel as if I know him. It's very difficult to explain. Anyways, he was the first and only man that my Grammy has ever loved. He saw her at a dance at their country club when she was 16 and walked up to his parents and said, "Do you see that girl? I'm going to marry her, someday." TRUE ST0RY. My Grammy has lost so many of her loved ones and bestest friends to Cancer, and instead of being victimized by her losses, she formed a Support Group for Cancer patients, and their families. She shared with me her passion for Opera, taking me to the MET to see he greatest in the world ever since I can remember. She is an exquisite artist, as well. I just adore her. The most precious thing ever.n1465350033_30102698_5848.jpg







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4) My Grandfather, Pop



It's so upsetting that I don't actually have a picture of my Pop[sicle] on my Laptop, but I will have you know he is so very special to me. He was raised in a VERY tight shift, and was never shown much love from his father. Going to fight in Vietnam also heightened his tendency to shut out the world, and left him with post traumatic stress. The most difficult thing for him to do? Say the words: I Love You. But her gave me a card for my 18th Birthday that read those words and those words only. I love him so much for that.



5) My Animals



Buddha and Mylo (My Standard Pure Bred Poodle and My Tabby Cat) are my babies. I found Mylo when he was about 4-5 weeks old... Actually HE found US and from the get-go was the sweetest cat I'd ever known. He is so precious and has such a loving personality, he's seriously like a puppy. He is always wanting to snuggle and love <3 . Buddha is the baby in the family. He has been such a light in my life, and for me, reminds me of my life beyond Ed. This is because we got Buddha about three weeks after my first attempt at treatment/recovery ended. I was S0 happy to have a Puppy again and adore him so... And how do the two of them get along, you might ask? See for yourself...n1465350033_30116923_3747.jpg



(6) My Friends



They have been there through it all with me. Ed, familial problems, losses, Ed, ED. My friends and I have been through so much and have lost some of our bestest through various tragedies, our most recent loss, of course, being My Bestie, Jilli. My friends stayed in my life during the depths of Ed, when all I did was push them away. They are STILL here... I feel so proud to call them mine.







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n9378688_32327074_3148.jpgn9376881_32975116_8357.jpg  n1465350033_30006314_7815.jpg n1465350033_30006336_6634.jpg n1465350033_30006322_923.jpg n1465350033_30006853_1647.jpg n1465350079_30094635_9527.jpg n9308378_40581598_2513.jpg n1465350033_30077963_7742.jpgn1465350033_30039850_9089.jpg232323232fp6-=ot>233-=828=;-7=XROQDF>232393699;43;ot1lsi.jpegn9308378_53521593_46.jpgn1465350033_30110031_637.jpgMy friends bring me back to ME, Pre-Ed, and for that, I could NEVER be more thankful.



(7) My Yoga



Despite what some may think, I have only been into Yoga for a little less than a year. Some of my bloggies do know this, but for those of you who don't I used to have BIG TIME exercise problemos. I never considered it to be Exercise Bulimia, but my doctors did, and I guess that's where my perception was/is skewed. I did not binge before I exercised, though. I was severely restricting, WHILE in a zone of Insanity and Obsession. I cannot count the amount of times I missed classes, because I was working out. Would miss an entire DAY of classes because I would be sitting the whole time. It was horrible. For the sake of my readers, I will not reveal WHAT I did, but I will say that it led me to having three fractures in my right foot, as well as bone deformations, and severe blood flow irregularities. When I was casted (for almost four months), all before starting treatment round dos, I was suddenly forced to do N0THING. I'll admit that I was SCARED SHITLESS. Not about my foot and what I did to it, but about gaining weight. My already raging anxiety became even worse, and, thanks to the recommendation of my Mommabear, I turned to Yoga. I will never forget my first practice: I didn't even own a Yogamat, so I rolled out a towel, and checked out Yogadownload (thanks to Jenna ). I ended up partaking in the 20-minute Solar Flow and found myself calmed by the instructor's voice, instantaneously. ANNNDDD I found it to be REALLY challenging! I had NEVER done weights during my Ed, so carrying my body weight through a flow was totally a wake-up call. Most importantly, however, I found that my anxiety had quieted down, tremendously, even after a mere 20 minutes.



IT BROUGHT ME BACK TO LIFE:n1465350033_30051870_8780.jpg



Ever since then, I have been hooked. Yoga has been a constant in my life, one at one point, I almost abused, but was able to snap back and remind myself of why I come to my mat each and everyday: BECAUSE I AM W0RTH PEACE AND SERENITY. We all are. Especially within ourselves. And to this day, during my practice, during the time on my mat, regardless of the length of time--- It is the only SINGLE solitary time when I feel beautiful. Where I feel powerful and strong and full of life. It is a time that I am thankful to be alive AS ME, rather than wishing I could be someone else.n1465350033_30050725_7671.jpg



And lastly, I can close my eyes, and imagine my life as this:n1465350033_30051849_4632.jpg



And honestly, who wouldn't want THAT?



Thank you so much for tagging me, Synth... This was really wonderful, especially during a time when I must realize that there still ARE things to Love, things to Cherish, things to Persue. That Life Does Go On.



And now to tag and pass the award onto Seven Bloggettes:



(1) Chandra



(2) Gina



(3) Erin and Andrea



(4) Miss Gliding Calm



(5) Heather



(6) Jenn



(7) Erica



I love you all! I just chose the first names that popped into my mind...



Have a loverly night and a wonderful holiday tomorrow...



Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavanthu, "May All Beings, Everywhere, Be Blessed with Happiness."





Namaste,





Julzie