A moment.

Hi guys-

I hope you can understand that I'm taking a bit of a break. Emotionally, things have been brutally cruel and right now the mere act of breathing seems so daunting. As some of you know, this past year was a hell hole for me and my family, and this past summer was a close call. Right now, I need to take some time to sit and listen to my innerchild that so deeply needs comfort and compassion. So that is what I'm doing. I will be back, of course, but right now I just really want to hide. Thanks,

Love and Light to all of you,

Julz

{ps} PLEASE hold our precious Leng in the light. Please hold her high and keep her in your prayers.

TOMORROW...

Get ready BBs! I'm gonna start doin a series of Halloween tutorials for all of y'all! halloween is my favorite time of year for makeup! Oh the possibilities! Tomorrow's look...

Well, here's a preview!

Get excited :D

Sweet dreams ;)

For ErinBooBoo <3

Quick and Simple Tutorial Time!

Erin asked me (this morning in a preshpresh texticle [change the "x" to an "s" and that would NOT a sentence make, yo.]) if I would show how I do my liquid/gel eyeliner. So I did this video. But you can't really see it! Fab.

So I will do another one tomorrow, but if it helps at all to entertain you, here it is.

[Plz forgive my less-than-sweet 'tude in this one. I am totes sick :( ]

Carry on, YoungBulls. Peace.

Good Day, Madame! How may I assist you? Oh, waste 22 more minutes of your time? It would be an honor :D

GLAM SHOT:

I'm so obnox.

Hey Peeps! Got another video here!

In this one you shall find:

Answers to some questions from my last post!

A lot of dirty verbiage.

Some classic Julz Tongue (aka SPEECH. GROW UP Y'ALL!)

Quite a bit of eff's, sh!t's, and anything else that could offend someone. :D

A lot of organized chaos

22:36 minutes

Awkward.

Anyways, I hope you likey! Tell me what you want MORE of, LESS of, etc. For my next video I WILL BE GETTING THE TIME DOWN, by at LEAST 12 minutes. Don't worry. Ask me questions, and let me hear it all.

I hope you all enjoy this beautiful Autumn day! Love love!

"Yay!"

Hey Pookies!

I realize that all my videos are makeup stuff, thus far. How vain! But here me out: I figure I have like no one reading my blog anymore (compared to before), but have THE IMPORTANT PPL WHO I LOVE reading! It also makes me happy. Yes, Makeup makes me happy. It does. Superficial shit like that is a great way for me to remove myself from my own crazymaking bullsh, and enjoy being a lady! So let's hear it for helping out the Economy!

Anyway! Today's vidster is quite the trip. I got the time down by about half (still working on this, mayj.), so that's good progress, right? The Dirty Little Gliding Calmster (meooowww) requested that I post pictures of the products I am using and if possible, where to buy them! Well OBVI, everything is possible when it is for her preshpresh lil ass!

So Let's Break. It. Down.

I used (Not including my foundation routine... GC, did you want this too?):

Brushes:

ELF cosmetics:

Eyeshadow Brush (3/8ths of an inch)

Blending Shadow Brush

Contour Shadow Brush

MAKEUP:

NYX Eyeshadow Trio (Right now at ULTA, buy one get one free. $8.00... Each shadow (there are three is the same quality and size as one mac shadow (at $14.50 each) - Fabulous Deal kittens!)

(TS23; From Right to Left; Sweet Lagoon, Aqua, Ocean)

Pigment Quality:

NYX Highlight:

Loreal Paris's Lineur Intense Liquid Eyeliner in Carbon Black:

Maybelline's Pulse Perfection Mascara in Blackest Black:

White Eye Liner:

Aquaphor Ointment:

Revlon Super Lustrous Pearl Lipstick in Silver City Pink:

So there you go!

Love y'all and I hope you have a fabbbulous evening! Tomorrow is Friday! Oh Yay Yay Yay! :D

QUESTION:

What are your MUST-HAVES for this fall's fashion/accessories/makeup survival? Lemme hear it!

LOVER Y'ALL!

Vloggy # Dos

Y'all this is so effing long, like 33 minutes plus, so break up the time . Or just skip through it all. I was seeing how and what it would be like to do a makeup tutorial of my everyday shiz, but clearly I need to work on my skillz. Wowee. [It would help, too, to not chase the dog for 15 minutes...)

In this video you will find:

ME WITHOUT MAKEUP (look. out.)

Buddha

My outfit (comfy)

My low-key everyday makeup

Quite a bit of Random Verbiage :D

Oy. It is so ridiculously long. Will be cutting it down in the future (the videos, that is.)

Lover Y'all! Happy Monday and i hope all the jewbies are enjoying their holiday!

Meowz!

The lookski:

FOR ERIN:

SEXUAL.

BYEZ!

Shut your front door.

Seriously! It is kind of nice to come back and see that I still have ppl who didn't delete me from their google readers! Yay! Haha, I think I got a lil cocky thinking that I would get some hater comments. You gotta be a BIG. HUGE. [GIRTH.] of a deal to get those types of comments. Phew! That was a close one y'all. ;)

Anyways! You guys were such cuteness in your responses. I literally melted with each and every one and was laughing so hard. We are all SUCH craycray, right? Luhuuvvv it.

I was glad you liked the makeup and the shirt! As prev. stated, I cannot hold a candle to Erin and Amez , but I have fun with it, you know? I just figure, what the H-E-double.hockey.sticks! Why am I not allowed to feel good? WHO AM I to deny myself the privilege of feeling cute and sassy?! I think it is so important that each of us remember that we must set limits on our self-reflective judgments. Example: Driving to class the other day, I was feeling SO FABULOUS. It was divine and the sun was peaking in, the morning had the precious dew of rain and the breeze of baby autumn leaves and I really felt amaze. Suddenly I was filled with anxiety and self-doubt. And the judgments started to flow. *You met your calorie count yesterday, plz. you have no right to feel so good about yourself --- With all you ate yesterday? You are not focusing. You are being sloppy and messy and you have no point of concentration and you blah-blah-blah-blah-fuck-ing-blah.* And then I realized something: I SPEND SO MUCH TIME WORRYING ABOUT NOT DOING SOMETHING--- Worrying about how best to avoid something. I put so much Energy into avoidance and perfection, that all I do, in reality, is make my focus so small that my entire life comes down to just that- a small, miniscule key-hole world, where I am not living. In situations such as the one mentioned above, we have to be advocates for ourselves. We have to realize that if we do not change how we view our own strengths and our possibilities for achievements, we will NEVER see that those possibilities are even there. This is something I have to coach myself through every. single. day. I am sorry to put this in here, but this is what I am going through right now, and as QUEEN OF FUCKING EVERYTHING told me yesterday, "BE YOU" and "Don't hide who you are." I have spent a long time hiding, both from others and from myself and if I am not honest, I am doing myself a disservice and that shit ain't gonna fly like it used to. So here we are :) *Voilin Concerto over. CUE APPLAUSE!*

[I'm annoying.]

SO, I will TOTES do clothing stuff, makeup stuff, and other fun sheeit. I am kinda irked that I said "fashion" in my video, because I just don't think I am a fashion type person. I have a very clear sense of style that is all my own and I always have. I. LOVE. MY. CLOTHES. THERE! I SAID IT! Like, omg. Love them all and would love to show y'all some of my faves/essentials. Some are hand-me-downs (think Vintage Ralph Lauren Daddy Flannelry) and some are vintage (80's Coach shoulder/saddle), and some are just plain amaze.

What do you want to know about makeup stuff? Would you want me to do tutorials? Show you my favezy products? Tell you what I used for my makeup? TELL ME! TELL ME! I really want you guys to guide me here because it is most fun to do things that others want me to do for them, and plz. Y'all are so important to me I would just love to do anything for you. Mwahz!

Yesterdays EOTD:

WOH. Girlfriend needs to do something with those EYEBROWS! ERIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!

Underneath:

Concealer (Underneath eyes and on lid up to brow bone): Cinema Secrets in PS601S-18 (fave.)

Lid to Brow and Lower Lash Line (bc we did put shadow there with a liner pencil brush) Urban Decay's Primer Potion (great for dry, uber sensitive skin; VERY hydrating

Eyes: Used BOTH Infatuating Rose 6 Shadow Palette (Mac), Vellum (Mac; a reflective white/pearl), and two NYX trio palettes, TEAM SPIRIT and ULTRA CHIC.

-First applied concealer to top and bottom of eye.

-Apply one coat of primer to each eye (gently dab with finger and add to lower lash line)y

-Using an eyeshadow brush (I use Loew Cornell Maxine's Mop in 3/8 of an inch, but any eye shadow brush (in 3/8ths of an inch will work great; this is actually a painting brush. I LOVE IT.), apply shimmery white to lid.

- Take a light/shimmery pink and apply to inner third of eye (close to tear-duct). (Keeping the white clean above ball of eye).

-Blend.

- Take purpley-blue (I used NYX "s spirit": color on far left of trio) and place it in crease (I use a blending brush for this, starting with small circles and then gently working in towards tear duct.).

- Take Deep purple and using a shadowing-contour brush, place in outer "V," by going to the outer corner of eye working shadow down to lash line at 45 degrees and back to corner and work 1/3 of the way in along your crease drawing shadow up (following curve of brow bone but keeping brush along the crease.)

-BLEND blend blend!

- Take a clean shadow brush and use a highlight (I use NYX 02 "White), and apply to brow bone and underneath outer corner as well as inner corner).

-Take shadow lining pencil and take same deep purple we used in outer "V" and line the top 1/3 (upper) lash line and connect it to outer corner/quarter of lower lash line.

-Take a light shimmery purple and line inner lash line of top and bottom.

-Take sparkly silver shadow and place in tear duct and inner crease line (2/3rds way in).

- Take liquid liner (I use NYX "Jet Black" Felt Tip Liner) and place upper lash line (from outside corner of eyeball to outer wing).

- Take boom-boom mascara (I use Lancome Fatale for drama-mama!) and apply to TOP only going thicker on outer lashes.

-I use a light pink Creme Sheen glass from Mac for my lips (not to overpower eyes) in "Fashion Scoop".

WOW. That was so confusing, I'm sure. And it is really easy! I will do a tutorial to make it clearer if y'all want!

Love you!

Vloggy #1

OkaaAAAAAaaaaAAaaaayyyy :D

Hi! Meowz.

I have [too] LEGIT [to quit] missed y'all so! I decided to do a video, because, well, I really enjoy embarrassing the living shiza out of myself, and figured there was no better way to do this than through a vid! So I did one yesterday morning after texting my Lil Poopoo! Yay!

DISCLAIMER:

After watching this I died. Not because I think I am funny- I actually think I am an asshole and come off really obnoxious. Ewwww. I so hope y'all aren't put off by me- I was truly SO SHOCKED at how I sound, how I come off (QUITE THE LIL 'TUDE! ) and I ain't gonna lie- I look like ass. My face looks like I am going to sneeze, which is a HUGH-JASS pet-peeve of mine.

***Okay, Julia, get over yourself.***

So WORD! As stated in this vid, I want to do fun stuff on this blog! This past year was SO Craycray and I really want to just have fun this year, embracing the things I LOVE and that means all of y'all :D

So tell me what you think in the comments... I am nervous that my first BITCH-ASS-MOTHER-F***ER-HATER comments are going to arise out of this, but whatever. I kill you.

BYEZ!

[ps] Though it most certainly seems to happen, I actually did NOT forget Erin and Amy's names. PLZ. I was just thinking to myself, "I cannot believe I am doing this shit."

K! Purrrrrrrrrrrrr

Someone's gotta be up there...

Sunday, ten.thirty in the morning.

Everything about the world right now frightens me. Everything threatens me and I don't know how to get away. Where do I go? What do I do? Standing in the middle of my room, feeling as if I am being held under water, unable to breathe, my throat in a choke-hold and no where to go. Two roles: The slave driver and the slave.

"Julzy, Jen's home." My mom mentions through my bedroom door.

"Uh huh," I manage to spew out something other than a cry. My chest so tight, my hands, shaking. My legs weak. I. am. afraid. to. move.

"Any reason you haven't seen her? All of your friends are home."

Any reason?

"No," and that's it. There's nothing else to say, no one understand me, I have nothing, no one, but me and my sea of hatred that keeps me from reblooming after losing her three months ago. Dried up, dying of thirst, the sun runs away from me. How cold the world feels without it.

_______

"You were trapped." Jamie. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. Her Majesty, Jamie. The Divine.

"That was it. I was buried in my own fleshy tomb, suffocating. Totally and utterly trapped." I whisper.

I feel Amy's eyes on me, her comfort calming my heart, as it always does.   

______

"Do you want to come with me to get my nails done, Booboo?" Mom wants to help me. I know she wants to more than anything. But everyone knows I'm stuck inside the world of unforgiving failures, and still no one will say anything. Why is everyone so afraid of me... I'm sorry, Please Forgive Me.

"No," I act like I don't care. But I do. More than anything and I can't go with you, Mom. "No." As if she is surprised. I love her more than anything, and wish I could spend my every second with her, but she is above me. Mom, I love you, but you are above me. I feel undeserving of time spent with you. Do you know this?

***Vibration***

AMY PEARL STONE: "Don't worry. We will take you away from here."

I tell her I trust her, I trust Jamie. I do. With my entire life. I put myself in their hands and feel safe. Safer in theirs than in my own. He can't touch us when we're together. TIme stands still and in an instant I stop shivering.

Driving on the highway, I see a sign for my exit. Finally. 2.5 MILES. And then I think of Jilli. In a battlefield of angst and chaos I reach for my phone and text Jill. I text her all the time. "I MISS YOU. EVERY DAY." And I am discouraged. Everyday I miss her more than the last. "When will it get easier?" Now I'm crying and my chest is drowning again. FUCK I missed my exit. I gather my composure, 'suck it up, don't embarrass me,' my thoughts are cruel and I'm tired after too many sleepless nights.

"I missed my Exit, Ames," I called her immediately. I had to get away from myself.

"Okay, where are you Julz?"

"I don't know... I missed my Exit for 95N." I don't know where I am, but amazingly I'm no longer lost. I'm found and need not utter a worry. 25 minutes away from the Stones, now, but Amy knows. She senses and she knows. "I'm going to stay on until you get to my house. I'm not going anywhere," she tells me. And she does. And I'm totally and completely safe, and for the first time in a long time, I feel loved and cradled with a shelter to protect me, and no one can touch me. I'm home.

Sitting in a coffee shop, on South Street, my worries are nonexistent, out of mind, and I feel the floor underneath my feet and IT. FEELS. AMAZING. Sitting, taking each other in, I look at Amy and Jamie: Queens. I get chills thinking of the two before me. And I laugh at how lame I am, in this very moment. I. Have. Found. Them.

Finally.

The hours spent walking the streets of Philadelphia. PEACE. It's suddenly springtime and the flowers are blooming and the sun, yes the sun, is FINALLY shining. As we leave the city streets, the three of us, in Brooke's Audi, completely united in thought, though silent in sound. There. Is. So. Much. Love.

"I was thinking about something..." Breaking the silence, my words spilling out of me, as I smile, for the first time in a LONG time. "I have been doubting the existence of a higher power, for so long now... But after today, I just know. Someone's gotta be up there..."

I slept really well last night.

Cuddle Fest 09

Be jeal. it's 6:21am amy and i are chatting our little hearts out STILL. That is all. <333 And we're sobes. Duh.